Farting Farknarkles are very rare. They live in the deep, dark woods where they are deepest and darkest. In those deepest and darkest spots in the deep, dark woods, they prefer to sit in puddles. There aren't usually many puddles in forests - the water just runs through the layers of old leaves and goes straight into the ground, which just goes to show how rare Farting Farknarkles are.
Farting Farknarkles are small, purple and slimy, and have lots of green warts. And they are shy. They don't like people. If they see a person, they... fart. Rising up to the surface of their puddles in thick, disgusting bubbles, their farts are so bad that they make a person pass out instantly. When the victim wakes up, they usually can't remember where they are and, tragically, they are lost in the deepest, darkest woods forever and never find their way back out again.
So what you have to do if you ever go for a walk in the deepest, darkest part of the deep, dark woods and come across a Farting Farknarkle - listen carefully, because this is your only hope of ever getting out again - is to say 'Farting Farknarkle' three times as fast as you can. It is paramount to say this in an American accent, and that you say it without slipping or mixing up the words or letters. If you do, the spell will not work.
If you get it right, the Farting Farknarkle will run away screaming into the deep, dark woods, and you can safely walk home.
Unforced Variations: May 2024
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